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Thursday, 29 September 2011

Problems with marriage proposals.

Q; Aslamualequm
I am a Convert, i was convert in 2005. I like a muslim Girl, Before a month i send proposal through her married sister to her parents to marry with her.Her parents were agree to give her her hand in my Hand ,but her brother denied. Because he said i m convert from hindu to muslim,Her brother said if he agree to do so he would feel shamed in his relatives and never face them and communicate with them. Please tell me What is my fault? could you tell me what shoud i do?
Pease tell me How Can i got maary with her sister? Because when i saw her picture, i feel she lives in my heart. Please help me to get marry.
Jazzakallah

A; All-Praise is due to Allaah,
Wa Alaykom As-Salam,

May I begin by saying that the people that are beloved to Allah, Allah guides them to his religion. Regardless of what your past is you are considered a Muslim. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin at all.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as hasan by al-Albaani.

It surprises me to find the ignorance amongst the Muslims these days when it comes to religious matters but yet when it comes to the matters of the Dunyah they have all the knowledge in the world...

The basic principle with regard to conditions in the marriage contract is that they are valid, unless there is proof to show that they are not valid. The evidence for that is the general meaning of the evidence which speaks of fulfilling covenants: “O you who believe! Fulfil (your) obligations”
[al-Maa’idah 5:1]

“And fulfil (every) covenant. Verily, the covenant will be questioned about” [al-Isra’ 17:34]

and in the hadeeth narrated from the Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) it says: “The Muslims are bound by their conditions, except a condition that forbids what is permissible or permits what is forbidden.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1352). And he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever stipulates a condition that is not in the Book of Allaah it is not valid, even if he stipulates a hundred times.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2155) and Muslim (1504).

According to Sharia' the Brother has know say in the Marriage agreement because of many reasons as follows,

1- it is not permissible for a man to marry a woman without the permission of her walee (guardian), regardless of whether she is a virgin or previously-married. This is the view of the majority of scholars, including al-Shaafa’i, Maalik and Ahmad. They take as evidence (daleel) the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):

“There should be no nikaah (marriage contract) except with a wali (guardian).”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085; Ibn Maajah, 1881. It is saheeh, as stated in Irwaa’ al-Ghaleel,6/235, by al-Albaani, may Allaah have mercy on him).

And the hadeeth: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If her husband has consummated the marriage, then the mahr belongs to her in return for that. If she does not have a wali then the (Muslim) ruler is the wali of anyone who does not have a wali.”
(Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879).

If her wali prevents her from marrying the person she wants with no shar’i reason for doing so, the guardianship passes to someone who is fit to be a wali, so it may pass from her father to her grandfather, for example.

If all her guardians prevent her for no shar’i reason, then the (Muslim) ruler will be her wali, because of the hadeeth, “…If she does not have a wali, then the (Muslim) ruler is the wali of anyone who does not have a wali.” The “ruler” here means the judge who rules according to sharee’ah.

The wali does not have the right to prevent a woman from marrying on the basis of his own whims and with no shar’i reason.

If there is no wali and no shar’i judge, then her case should be referred to the ruler or whoever is acting in his stead. If there is no such person, then her case should be referred to the sharee’ah courts. If there is no sharee’ah court, then her case should be referred to a man who holds a position of leadership among his people and is committed to Islam. If there is no such man, then her case should be referred to any trustworthy and religiously-committed man who is fit to be a wali.

2-The final decision is to be made by the Bride, the point must clearly be made that the following two hadeeth from the Prophet (peace be upon him) must be abided by and carried out, as within them are the some of the answers to your question and questions from others in similar situations. The first hadeeth: If he whose character and deen (practice of religion) pleases you, approaches you in marriage, then marry him, for if you don’t, their will be fitna in the land and vast corruption. (Tirmidhi and others, see Sunan Tirmidhi #1085 and it is hassan (reliable) as per Sahih ul-Jaami’ #270). (“fitna” here can be understood to refer to the temptation for fornication, enmity and the cutting off of relations among the people and relatives, and the spreading of hatred)

The second: Buraida (may Allah be pleased with him) said that a young woman came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son (i.e. her cousin) in order to raise his standing among the people,” so the Prophet (peace be upon him) put the matter in her hands (i.e. asserted that the validity of the marriage is conditioned on her approval and negated by her refusal). So she said, “I authorize and endorse what he has done but I wanted women to know that fathers cannot force their will in these matters.”

And it was narrated by Nisaa’I via Abdullah ibn Buraida via Aa’isha that a young woman came to her and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise his standing among the people and I am unwilling (to agree to it)”, so she said, “Sit until the Prophet (peace be upon him) comes.” So the Prophet (peace be upon him) came and she informed him of the situation, so he sent for her father and invited him (over) and asserted that the matter is in the bride’s hands. So she said, “Oh Prophet of Allah I have authorized and endorsed what my father has done, but I wanted to know if women had a say in the matter or not.” (Sunan al-Nisaa’I, Kitaab al-Nikaah min Sunanihi and it is sahih).

So that you can have a fare understanding on how a marriage contract works in Islam Sheikh Muhammed Saalih Al-Munajjid explains as follows, There are three pillars or conditions for the marriage contract in Islam:

Both parties should be free of any obstacles that might prevent the marriage from being valid, such as their being mahrams of one another (i.e., close relatives who are permanently forbidden to marry), whether this relationship is through blood ties or through breastfeeding (radaa’) etc., or where the man is a kaafir (non-Muslim) and the woman is a Muslim, and so on.

There should be an offer or proposal (eejaab) from the walee or the person who is acting in his place, who should say to the groom “I marry so-and-so to you” or similar words.

There should be an expression of acceptance (qabool) on the part of the groom or whoever is acting in his place, who should say, “I accept,” or similar words.

The conditions of a proper nikaah (marriage contract) are as follows: Both the bride and groom should be clearly identified, whether by stating their names or describing them, etc.

Both the bride and groom should be pleased with one another, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No previously-married woman (widow or divorcee) may be married until she has been asked about her wishes (i.e., she should state clearly her wishes), and no virgin should be married until her permission has been asked (i.e., until she has agreed either in words or by remaining silent).” They asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given (because she will feel very shy)?” He said: “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4741)

The one who does the contract on the woman’s behalf should be her walee, as Allaah addressed the walees with regard to marriage (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single…” [al-Noor 24:32] and because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who marries without the permission of her walee, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1021 and others; it is a saheeh hadeeth)

The marriage contract must be witnessed, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage contract except with a walee and two witnesses.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7558)

It is also important that the marriage be announced, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Announce marriages.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1027)

The conditions of the walee are as follows:

He should be of sound mind

He should be an adult

He should be free (not a slave)

He should be of the same religion as the bride. A kaafir cannot be the walee of a Muslim, male or female, and a Muslim cannot be the walee of a kaafir, male or female, but a kaafir can be the walee of a kaafir woman for marriage purposes, even if they are of different religions. An apostate (one who has left Islam) cannot be a walee for anybody.

He should be of good character (‘adaalah – includes piety, attitude, conduct, etc.), as opposed to being corrupt. This is a condition laid down by some scholars, although some of them regard the outward appearance of good character as being sufficient, and some say that it is enough if he is judged as being able to pay proper attention to the interests of the woman for whom he is acting as walee in the matter of her marriage.

He should be male, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman may conduct the marriage contract of another woman, and no woman can conduct the marriage contract on behalf of her own self, because the zaaniyah (fornicatress, adulteress) is the one who arranges things on her own behalf.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7298)

He should be wise and mature (rushd), which means being able to understand matters of compatibility and the interests of marriage.

The fuqahaa’ put possible walees in a certain order, and a walee who is more closely-related should not be ignored unless there is no such person or the relatives do not meet the specified conditions. A woman’s walee is her father, then whoever her father may have appointed before his death, then her paternal grandfather or great-grandfather, then her son, then her grandfathers sons or grandsons, then her brother through both parents (full brother), then her brother through her father, then the sons of her brother through both parents, then the sons of her brother through her father, then her uncle (her father’s brother through both parents), then her father’s brother through the father, then the sons of her father’s brother though both parents, then the sons of her father’s brother through the father, then whoever is more closely related, and so on – as is the case with inheritance. The Muslim leader (or his deputy, such as a qaadi or judge) is the walee for any woman who does not have a walee of her own. End of quote.
(Islam Q&A Fatwa: 2127)

After reading this information it is quite clear that the decision must be made by her Father who is the Walee (NOT HER BROTHER) and if she does not have a father to act on her behalf as a walee, then whoever her father may have appointed before his death, then her paternal grandfather or great-grandfather etc (as mentioned above). So long as the Walee has agreed along with the womens acceptance then no body else has the right to reject your proposal.
As to what the woman's brother claims that he will feel ashamed and can not face his relatives is a statement of pure ignorance that has no bases in the Islamic Sharia'.
Sheikh Muhammed Saalih Al-Munajjid said, Some of the Sahaabah were mushriks, then they entered Islam and became good Muslims, and they got married, and were not rejected because of what they had done in the past.
What matters is what a man is adhering to now, so long as he has repented from whatever he has done in the past. End of quote. (Islam Q&A Fatwa: 20744)

My advise is that if the situation carries on and you can not convince this family to marry their daughter it should then be taken to your local Imam to solve the issue from a Sharia' perspective inorder for those whom are confused about this matter to be more educated on it...

I ask Allaah to make it easy on you and other in the search to find a pious wife, and to guide those whom make it difficult for others to get married, and may the peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family and Companions!

And Allaah knows best....

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